the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
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