It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
