somebody snuck up and got me drunk
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
