If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
