its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.