Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
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You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
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I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.