I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo