do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
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Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
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You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking