Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.