allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.