He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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