fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
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he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
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State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!