your thong is hanging out like whoa
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?