i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
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Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
We had to coat check the pizza.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
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I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.