3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
well, you know. whores of a feather.