I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
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Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
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You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."