I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I got inside last night via doggy door
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
