So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3pm strippers are depressing
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize