Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
it's like iHOP with fire
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
