My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
