I wanna passion pit in your ass
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I came so hard my ears popped.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
