the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
