so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
