I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
