Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
