I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
