new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
