I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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