So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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