Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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