sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
