Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
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Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
