id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
