I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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