I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
