All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
we're so committed to being not committed
how does that bad decision feel?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
