She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I am naked and annoyed.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
