i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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