Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
