I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
