i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
