yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
