There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
