i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
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I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
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Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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