It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
