my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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