Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
