shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
