My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
