i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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