I just cut my nipple shaving
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
