Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
