the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
