It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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