Dude my mom stole all your condoms
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Randomize
