we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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