this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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