If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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