Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You pole danced in your parka.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize