my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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