I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
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