Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
