This dress was meant to end up on your floor
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Randomize
