Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
