Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
