wanna go halves on a baby?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
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