If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
