just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
