Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I will pee on everything he values.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
