You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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