Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
