I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
