But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
