I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
my being single is dangerous.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
