I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
