just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
