Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
