Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
